Giant Thumb

I watched a giant thumb inch its way across my lawn. When it got to my house it went upright and climbed the wall and onto the roof. I listened as it scraped its way across my shingles, which have tiny bits of plastic (maybe glass?) sparkling all over it. I thought that the shingles must be tearing at the giant thumb’s skin, but I didn’t know how thick its skin was.

I listened and realized it was making its way to my chimney. As it got closer it began to slow down, dragging slowly, then stopping for several seconds, Then dragging some more. Finally it got to the chimney and flung itself over the side, but since it was too large to fit down the chimney it was just stuck in the top. Blood from its many cuts lazily dripped down into the fireplace and formed a very small pool at the bottom. Apparently its skin was not very thick. I sighed and resigned myself to unsticking the thumb later.

A week later it was Christmas and my sister brought her four year old son over to celebrate. I had not yet removed the thumb, and the pool of blood had now become a slow moving fountain, trickling out of my fireplace and spreading throughout the living room. The thumb was very vascular.

My sister and nephew came in holding presents. When she saw the fountain of blood coming from the fireplace her eyes widened and she dropped all the presents she was holding into the pool of blood spreading across the room. My nephew looked puzzled, then scared, then my sister grabbed him and screamed at me, “What the hell is that? What the hell is wrong with you?” and pulled her son away from the pool of blood and stared at me, waiting for an answer.

I looked up at the fountain coming from the fireplace. I looked at my nephew. I said, “well, it’s Santa! Santa’s in the chimney!” My nephew’s lip quivered and my sister’s jaw dropped open. The giant thumb’s bloodied, soot covered thumbnail fell down into the blood fountain in the fireplace, splashing blood all over my body and arms. I spread my dripping arms out to hug my nephew. “Merry Christmas!” I said.