I live in a relatively small town. I called every therapist could find online, by word of mouth, and in the yellow pages–7 in total. One of them returned my call. I’m on her waiting list.

But then I found a mental health clinic that had therapists who weren’t listed anywhere.

The therapist read me questions off a computer screen and typed my answers in. An hour in she tells me she’s not going to be my therapist, that she’s full, and that one of the others will be. To me that would have been an important piece of information to get up front.

So then I go in for my next appointment, with my assigned therapist. He’s Japanese, doesn’t always speak fluent english, was 15 minutes late, didn’t add on 15 minutes to the end of the appointment to compensate, and had a lot of tics that he didn’t attempt to explain.He’d stop mid-sentence and clench is face like he was in pain, and then continue on like nothing happened. He asked me questions from his computer screen and typed things in most of the time.

In some form of English he asked me if I wanted to see someone in addition to therapy who helps with coping skills. I didn’t get exactly what it was, but it was help, so I accepted. I went in for that appointment today. This guy also read questions off a computer screen, many identical to my previous two visits, and he apologized for being an intolerably slow typist. We sat in silence as he punched each letter individually and my OCD and anxiety started to kick in: Why haven’t they set their clock for daylight savings?;Why does the back of this computer have such a thick layer of dust?; All that’s on the bookshelf is a giant bottle of hand sanitizer; Why are his papers spread across his desk as though he threw them up in the air and let them land where they chose?; Why does the delete key make that chirping noise?; Why doesn’t he pump the lead in his mechanical pencil one more time so it’s not awkward to write with? You get the idea.

Finally, toward the end of our session, he asked to remind him of my name. I guess I could have said anything at that point